I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
