I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
