Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
