I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My ass is underappreciated
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
