kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
