I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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