i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
