All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
