come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
