Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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