I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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