but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize