Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
