I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i dont even know how to be here
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
