life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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