he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
