sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
