Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
