Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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