headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize