3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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