Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
