just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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