i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
