I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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