i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
