508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
