I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize