and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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