In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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