Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
