we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
