Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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