Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Randomize
