Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
