My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize