I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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