My nipple is on Facebook.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
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