I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
