drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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