i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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