Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
