pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize