Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i drank out of a bidet.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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