idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
