how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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