The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
