Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
