You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
