Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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