I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
