is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
