how can u be prego again
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
