My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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