Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We got so high we made milksteak
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You are the jesus of drinking
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
