My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you had me at cake vodka
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
