YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
