Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
