plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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