oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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