i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
