Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
