I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
