Already got asked if we're dating
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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