Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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