you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
