How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
