we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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