Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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