i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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