i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
