Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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