i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
