Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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