I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
