can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
