why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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