He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
